How Can Wives Make Home a “Soft Landing Place” for Their Husbands?

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We can read article after article about ways our husbands need to see to our needs. But what about us, as wives, seeing to the needs of our men? Is it a feminist position to take? I argue that yes, it is. As strong women of faith, we play vital roles in the mental, emotional, and spiritual health of our husbands. Are you focusing on being a safe place for them to land when they need it?

Proverbs 27:15-16 says, "A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand." This verse has always made me chuckle. I've done a decent amount of camping in my life, and if you've experienced a leaky tent in a rainstorm, you will immediately understand the essence of that first line. Not to mention, trying to hold a tent down so you can pound in the stakes as the wind is trying to blow it away and you with it? That's a feat in and of itself. As a wife, I don't find it especially flattering to be compared to such annoying and outright exasperating trials. In fact, I won't have to be compared to such if I take the time to focus on being a safe place for my husband.

As wives, we all too often discount how much of a rock we can be for our husbands. We believe that our husbands are to be leaders, bedrocks, strong, heroic, and unmovable during storms, and yes, they certainly do have a masculine role to play in a God-centered marriage. However, we, as wives, have equally critical roles to play in their lives.

Here's some food for thought:

When was the last time you prayed for your husband? Now, don't give a knee-jerk reaction and say "this morning." I'm talking about really praying for your husband, not just that they'd have a safe trip to work or wouldn't forget to pick up milk on the way home. I'm talking about going before God with intercessory prayer. That your husband would be protected from evil, that the Holy Spirit would move him to seek after the heart of God, that God would strengthen him from the inside out, and so on?

What about greeting your man with warmth and affection? It doesn't take much. Not really. It may be as simple as a smile and a "how was your day?" If he's the hugging type, a quick embrace might be in order. It could be picking up his dirty laundry on the floor and not admonishing him. This is a way to create a connection with him. To welcome him into your heart and to soothe and calm him, even if he doesn't think he needs it. There is nothing worse than having a bad day and coming home to a leaky roof—if you catch my drift.

As wives, we need to create an atmosphere of peace and not one of chaos. Is that a bit too 1950s for you? Well, I'm not going to apologize, I think sometimes the "olden days" were on to something. You may be working full-time, have a busy career, or be running kids here, there, and everywhere. I'm not discounting that, nor am I saying to don an apron and start humming hymns while you dust with a feather duster. What I am saying is that phrase we laugh at: "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy"? It's true. If you've packed your life so full of chaos that you cannot offer your husband a peaceful place to retreat to, there is a problem. And yes, it can go both ways, but right now, we're just discussing our roles as wives. Do we need to conduct an inventory in order to nurture a home environment where our husband can feel at peace? Maybe it's time we do get a little old-fashioned and turn on some calming music, light a candle, bake some cookies, cancel some commitments, and just be. Be present. Be there. Be peaceful.

Oh yes, and while we're at it, let's talk about speaking life into our men. We certainly have no shortage of criticisms, and while they may be valid, we all know that if that's all we ever seem to hear, life drains away pretty quickly. I'm also not saying to overwhelm your husband with compliments or so many words of affirmation that it becomes affected and contrived. What I am saying is, speak life into him! Tell him you prayed for him today. Express to him a "thank you" for mowing the lawn, for taking the kids to school, or for simply going to work. "Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones." — Proverbs 16:24 Look for ways to be gracious to your husband. To encourage him, rather than just remind him of where he falls short.

It doesn't take much observing to come to the conclusion that your man isn't perfect. But if he doesn't sense your respect for him, his feeling of value and worth to you will plummet. Fast. If he believes you don't trust his word, or that he's giving you instruction or advice you're consistently ignoring, you're essentially telling him that his word is not worth anything. His opinion, his knowledge, his leadership, and his strength can all come crashing down like the walls of Jericho if he believes you don't respect him.

So it's critical that you support him. That you recognize his contributions to the family. That you listen to him and allow him to lead the family. That you don't always question, challenge, or defy him.

Most of all, as his wife, let God be the center of your relationship. When both of you are resting in Christ, seeking His heart, obeying His truths, your home will far more naturally become a place of peace—a safe place for your husband to land.

Psalm 127:1 says, "Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain." So what does that mean to us as wives? It means submission to the Lord. It means allowing Him to steer our hearts, to filter our words, and to mold us into women who are strong, warrior-like, and at the same time, gentle and nurturing. God crafted us to be helpers to our husbands. Sometimes, in this culture, we cringe at that. But why? Don't we wish to help those we love? And there is no shortage of God's design for our husbands to serve us in return.

Today, take a moment to look for ways to become that rock for your husband. To be a place he can feel at peace. To be a safety net, a harbor, a soft spot for him to land. Mostly, love him. Love him more than you love yourself. That, in and of itself, will be a great starting point!

Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Maskot

Jaime Jo Wright is an ECPA and Publisher’s Weekly bestselling author. Her novel “The House on Foster Hill” won the prestigious Christy Award and she continues to publish Gothic thrillers for the inspirational market. Jaime Jo resides in the woods of Wisconsin, lives in dreamland, exists in reality, and invites you to join her adventures at jaimewrightbooks.com and at her podcast madlitmusings.com where she discusses the deeper issues of story and faith with fellow authors.